Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

I verbally tore into my teenage son last weekend because he failed clean up the yard, as he’d been assigned. The Christmas tree, that went begging all week to be taken down and properly disposed of, compounded my angst; another task he and his vacationing sister had been given.

I grounded him, not because of the magnitude of the error, but rather due to his casual approach to his responsibilities. This same kid can be a great student and state contender in the high jump if he puts his mind and body to the tasks, but we will see. However, unlike the Ivy-League “Chinese” mother in the WSJ article of the same name as this post (here), I do not plan to browbeat the boy into his potential. I will set high expectations and expect him to meet them (with support), and sometimes punish him to make the point. If he chooses to sit on his butt, I will not manhandle him, except that he will get no extraordinary help from me once self-induced mediocrity takes over his life.

I believe parents should make kids do some things, while allowing options, as well. My daughter could have been a top swimmer, but did not have the drive. Forcing her to swim was a consideration that would have had us all miserable. Alternately, I still remember the tragedy of her 9th grade algebra tutor; a straight A Asian kid who seemed happy until the day he hung himself. Within their pain, I am sure his parents felt many things, and superiority was probably not one of them. My daughter’s (and son’s) shot at long-term fullfillment is much more important than youthful championships. I try to walk a finer line than the “Chinese” mother, because true happiness is poorly described by academic achievement or athletic achievement alone.

What I sometimes have to remind myself is that what I really want are content, well-adjusted young adults – not trophies to my great parenting skills or good genes.

James C. Collier

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