Acting White: Where Da White Girls At?*

Young white boys have been pursuing my now 18 year old daughter since she, and they, were ‘puber-tized’. I never thought much about it since all I cared about was her feeling good about herself, and I know white males to be no more, or less, doggish than other men. Besides, if her school is predominantly white, it makes no sense that she should sit the relationship ‘bench’, because of some arbitrary notion that people should only mix with their ‘own’.

Now my son is thirteen, and the shoe is on the other foot, so to speak. He too attends a predominantly white school and is learning where he wants to direct his attentions. At his track meet last weekend I noticed him chatting it up with a cute little white girl. I recall her standing next to him in his class photo. He says they are just friends and I believe him, but he will one day realize that there are friends and then there are ‘friends’.

Later that day over a burger, he asked me why the black girls were so forward. “How can they say they are in love with me when they barely know my name”, he asked. I said kids from different schools/neighborhoods have different behaviors based upon local customs. He said he preferred the girls at his school as they are not so ‘pushy’, and included that he thinks being attracted to someone’s race is stupid. He also has noticed that the more he keeps his distance, the greater the interest the girls, black and white, have in him, while pursuit invites rejection. This does not make sense, he says. Welcome to the real world son – more questions than answers.

Our society has all manner of diverging notions on whether his interracial considerations, such as they are, are healthy for him and/or good for the world. I like that he seems to take pride in being black, and the uniqueness it holds, even though being different has its drawbacks. He catches it from both sides at times, not black enough and not white. Most black kids feel this, as their thirst for opportunities forces them to choose between staying culturally safe and limited at home and venturing out into the world.

Some people ask me why we spend so much time talking about race. The answer is that much of what we think we know is not helpful, and our kids need more than made-up idealism, in either direction. The only way to have fresh sensible responses is that we continue to give these issues the attention, which their importance merits, including the risk of talking about it ‘too’ much.

James C. Collier

*Author's Note: The title was taken from Clevon Little in Mel Brook's "Blazing Saddles".

READ MOST RECENT POSTS AT ACTING WHITE...

Technorati Tags: Acting White: Where Da White Girls At?, Interracial, Miscegenation, Racism, Acting Black, Acting White