#2 Blacks and Bluetooth

I think whoever invented Bluetooth, the technology that allows cellular gizmos to extend their wireless-ness, knows Black people in a scary way. Maybe it was Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry.

Starting from years back, when Motorola came out with the first $200+ versions, Black people have bought these things like hot wings. Something about not missing that call from that special lady/man just seemed to capture folks. But then, it got out of hand. I’m in a restaurant, grocery store, bank, movie, and blam! - someone is talking into his ear and interrupting the flow of everything around them. Now I understand if you are Jay-Z or Russ Simmons and you have been waiting for a call on a multi-million dollar deal, but please people, not during Avatar! If you listen in, it often goes like this, ‘whasup?, where you at?’, ‘what you eat’in? Really! Damn! Bring me some.’

Do people think that Bluetooth can make their average lives look more interesting, than if they were talking between two used soup cans, connected with a string? I was at the ATM the other day and a women was going on loudly into her 'tooth' about who she was sleeping with and whose business it was and wasn’t. It certainly was not my business, but she was making sure I knew every last, nasty, skanky detail. When she finished her banking she turned around to glare at me, whereupon I gave her my best Stevie Wonder imitation, as I don’t know how to feign deafness.

Deep-down, I blame talk-shows and reality television. This is where Hollywood placed a commercial value on people’s below-average, raggedy-ass, lives. With this, too many Black people lost all reserve for letting others see their self-jacked-up day-to-day struggles. Before that, people kept their business in the closet, like a special Uncle, and spent their evenings trying to clean it up. Today, everybody is looking for the chance to show their Jerry Springer ‘drawls’ to whoever will pay them two-cents, however shameless.

What really gets me is when folks are somewhere that forbids cell phone usage, like hospitals. Their retort, when approached by the staff is to say, “I’m not talking on my cell phone, this is Bluetooth (expletive optional)!” I just shake my head and do my Stevie – I didn’t see it, and I don’t want to hear it.

James C. Collier

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