Acting White: What’s Next For Tiger?

A friend asked me what I thought Tiger should do, given the mess that he’s got himself into, when he was suppose to be just a boring family man. We did not know he meant the whoring kind of boring, not snoring. While I’m at it, why is it that women are called whores, and not men? Somebody needs to explain that one to me.

Anyway, I’m not sure he can salvage his marriage/family. Neither Tiger, nor his Swedish wife Elin, seem to be deep-rooted folks – a prerequisite for weathering these knotty emotional storms. They are both missing real educational experiences that would have accelerated maturity. Sure, Tiger went to Stanford for two years, but you can bet most of that time was spent on the links, not growing up. I have found no record of Nordegren ever attending college; rather she au-paired her way into the pro golf crowd, and into Wood’s life.

In fairness to both of them, the golf crowd is not deeply-rooted either. Golf, like baseball and tennis, is a hand-eye coordination game requiring early and fanatical dedication, leaving little time for outside development. It doesn’t seem that Earl Woods spent enough time growing up the man, as much as he did the golfer. I think a hard look into the elder Woods’s will tell more of the story of the boy who would grow up to be Tiger. These are the skeletons whose existence is now in evidence, via Tiger’s man-boy sexcapades. Earl, Katilda, get ready for your proctologic exam, and rest assured that the conclusions ain’t gonna be pretty. I have already seen sleazy questions of how Katilda, a Thai, made her way to Vietnam to meet Tiger's father, Earl, during the war. Nasty stuff is coming.

Regardless, Tiger’s option seems clear, get back on Nicklaus major’s record trail. Pursuit of Jack is Tiger’s only savior. For now, he will need to accept that the endorsements will shrink. He will probably want to sell the yacht to cut expenses. Only winning will bring everyone back to the time of galleries looking for miracle shots and fist pumps. Winning brings forgiveness, deserved or not; otherwise Tiger is that slice of Caliblasian bread that got itself stuck in the toaster, when he thought nobody was looking.

James C. Collier

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